I'm back.
You didn't even know I was gone, didja? Yeah, well.....I was. I just returned from The Land of 10,000 Lakes. Woo-hoo. Non-stop party train coming through. Okay, all this sarcasm is making my brain hurt.
Seriously, Minnesota itself is a great state. I have absolutely no problems with the Twin Cities. They're great. It just seems like every time I fly there, it is the worst experience in the world.
Where to begin? Oh, I know....
Security
I arrived at the airport filled with the excitement one gets when they know they are on their way home. This feeling was quickly dashed when i reached the line for security. The line snaked around for what must have been a half a mile. It was full of your typical business travellers, myself included. However, there is a certain percentage of people I will refer to as "jackass travellers". These are the people you see at the airport who are never NOT on the phone. If it's a business call, that's one thing, but these folks are always making small talk and idle chit-chat with a friend or loved one. "What? No honey, this line is just way too long. And there's this smell, I swear the person in front of me has the worst B.O. I have ever smelled. So I took my rental car back...No, I got the Tercel, I really like the Tercel.....Right! Ahahaha! So my friend Bill and I ended up driving to this little out-of-the-way restaurant, I think it was called.....No....it was called the Olive Garden. Isn't that great?" Ugh. Not only are these folks having a conversation loud enough for everyone to hear, but they completely ignore the Security Officer who reminds everyone to have theirID's and Boarding Passes ready. Then they get to the people checking ID's and spend 20 minutes looking through their purse or travel bag. The Jackass Traveller is always the person who has been to every airport in the country at least 5 times, but still go through security as though it's a new concept. Here is my interpretation of what Jacakss Travellers think the rules are.
1. Call everyone you know. Security will be making sure you talk to at least 3 people before you go through the line.
2. For your safety, hide your ID and Boarding Pass. Do NOT hide them in the same location.
3. Security needs to view your laptop seperately from all other items going through X-ray. However YOU do NOT need to seperate your laptop from your other belongings. YOU are special.
4. The Metal Detector is only used to detect WEAPONS made of metal. Only empty your pockets if you have a weapon, or you're not sure if you have a potential weapon. Remember: Keys and Pocket Change are NOT made of metal. They are magical objects that do not set off metal detectors.
5. Once you walk through the Metal Detector, do NOT simply pick up your bags and go. Make sure you have everything, as it is customary for the X-Ray machine to steal some of your belongings.
Geez.
Here is a quick summary of MY magical trip through security. First, I waited for The airport's TOP security guard to stop ogling the women going through security and wave me through. I thought I would just be able to pick up my bags and go. Oh no. The X-Ray Technician saw a potential weapon in my carry-on bag. First of all let me say I know these people are doing their job, and I completely respect them for making sure we are all safe, but come ON. They took my bag off the conveyor belt, moved it to their security search area, and proceeded to rifle through my belongings. After they emptied my bag of all its contents, they presented to me their find of a potential weapon. I had no idea it was in there. I am so stupid for even trying to carry a PEN on an airplane. Shame on me. The security officer explained to me that depending on how it was sitting in my bag, it looked like a screwdriver. After considering this, I realized he was completely right. This could have been a screwdriver, except for the fact that it looks exactly like a pen. Wow.
So I ran across the airport to arrive at my gate where they were in the process of boarding.
I get on the plane, only to find that my carry-on, which is within the standard size limits as determined by the airlines, will not fit in ANY of the overhead compartments or below the seat in front of me. Luckily, I had one of the NICEST flight attendants in the world, and she stowed my bag in the back of the plane rather than checking it.
The rest of the crew, however, was very odd.
OCD Guy, the First Class Flight Attendant. This guy was constantly in the plane's restroom, with the door open, in plain view of everyone. I swear he washed his hand like 5 times. And he kept pacing up and down the aisle in First Class, constantly wringing his hands.
Our Flight Crew. Our pilot and co-pilot were introduced to us as we taxied to the runway. Captain Vic and First Officer Jeff. Is it me, or does this sound like a Vaudeville act gone wrong? Also, I think Captain Vic originally wanted to be a Darth Vader Impersonator. Hey Vic, back away from the microphone a little, huh?
Well, I got back safely, and it's good to be back. I have more stories about my trip, but this post is already long enough as it is. I'm sorry all of you (Hey
G) had to read through this, but I feel much better after venting. Thanks!
Happy Birthday, Eh!
Peash.
